Nation’s Pastors Still Undecided on Marital Murder


KINGSTON – Having explained to Jamaica’s pagans why marital rape should remain legal, the nation’s Pastors have turned their attention to the contentious issue of marital murder.

“The debate over the legality of killing your spouse is not as straightforward as the issue of raping her,” argues community leader and founder of the Christians for Peace (CFP) Initiative Dr. Winston Gordon. “Although the Bible suggests that killing people is wrong, no specific reference is made to killing within the institution of marriage. Or whether wives really count as people.”

Reverend Jacobs of the St. Andrew parish church remains divided on the issue as well. While recognizing that a wedded couple is of one flesh, and therefore cannot truly be murdered unless both parties are killed, the Reverend reminds the public that a dead wife cannot perform her wifely duties to her husband. “She cannot even be raped for that matter, if you think about it” mused the reverend, “which is a direct violation of the terms of engagement for marriage set out in the bible.”

During the CfP’s ongoing Just Don’t Say No campaign, longtime member of the Hill Top congregation Ms. Rosalie Edwards, 68, asked Dr. Gordon what she should do if she suspected that her husband had planned to take her life. “Take it to the Lord in prayer, then seek counseling” responded the Reverend and scholar, who holds two PHDs in Literal Theology, “or maybe just sleep with him more often.”

Ms. Edwards and several other women from the congregation were later seen leaving when they were assured that marital murder works both ways.