Party Patron Didn’t Want to Whine On Anybody Anyway


KINGSTON – After a long night of dancing by himself, party patron Andrew Belnavis wants the world to know that he could have danced with women if he wanted to. Reports say the 22 year old student spent hours at a recent party approaching multiple women in the hopes of grinding on them to soca music, but the “definitely not disappointed” Belnavis denied that any such attempts occurred.

“I didn’t actually want to whine anybody. Sometimes it’s fun to watch all your friends dance with girls while you stand and drink,” said Belnavis to anyone who would listen.

In a move some experts are calling “sour grapes,” Belnavis insisted that none of the women in attendance met his aesthetic standard for dancing partners. Sources close to the patron claim that he has since made attempts to coerce his female friends into attending an upcoming party, signaling an intent to finally dance with women.

“What sources? That (expletive) Kristine? She’s a liar,” said Belnavis. “And she can’t whine anyway.”