KINGSTON – In a statement released by the outgoing board of the National Housing Trust today, Jamaican taxpayers have been assured that the recently publicized investment scandals are just a “bizarre overreaction to a harmless game of Monopoly.” The revelation that the NHT invested over 2 billion Jamaican dollars without proper due diligence or hope of returns had many raising eyebrows, but the Trust’s detractors may now be forced to eat their words.
“Of course we haven’t made any money yet. Everybody knows the profit doesn’t come until after you start adding the houses and hotels,” said outgoing Chairman Easton Douglas. “It’s called strategy.” The former Chairman insisted that he could not be blamed for any perceived wrongdoings, and continued by saying that “if the banker had given [the board] more time, then I might have even been able to acquire the last railroad.”
When asked by UGS how the Hasbro board game resulted in what naysayers have deemed to be “obvious bailouts for failing private and public sector corporations,” Douglas replied, “There’s no media in this game, I checked the rules again.”
Danny Cornwall-Brown, who sold the failed tourist attraction Onepeepel to the NHT last year, has publicly backed the board and says he is baffled by the negative press that the Trust and those bailed out by it have received. “People buy out other players all the time,” said the well-connected television producer. “This isn’t checkers, tough decisions have to be made.”
After brandishing ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ cards which exempted them from any real consequences or repercussions, the former board members could be seen arguing over the contentious issue of who gets to be the car next time.