BALTIMORE, MD – In a remarkable display of national unity and collective support, the American public has today put aside their political differences to show solidarity with a brutally subjugated West Baltimore CVS Superstore.
“We’re tired of the mystifying violence against corporations in our otherwise peaceful city.” said concerned Baltimore resident and community organizer Charles Bellamy, who does not see race or injustice. “Someone has to do something about this particular problem. Enough is enough.”
The unprecedented wave of donations, aid and general empathy for the terrorised superstore comes in the wake of an inexplicable altercation between the pharmacy and a section of the populace that apparently has nothing better to do with their time than target defenseless Fortune 500 companies for no good reason.
Baltimore City Mayor, Stephanie Rawlings-Blake, who is still hopeful that the incident will call attention to the “plight of megastore chains across this hallowed nation,” has since described the overwhelming support for the corporation as an empowering reminder of what “this country can do when the downtrodden finally have a voice.”
“When you hurt large scale billion dollar companies, you hurt everyone. What could be worse than that?” said Mayor Rawlings-Blake in her address to the media. “No one wants to see this specific tragedy happen ever again. Je Suis CVS.”