The Greater Kingston and St. Andrew area today has descended into mayhem and ruin as a direct result of the collective failure of the city’s mothers to once again remind their children to be careful on the road.
In the wake of the catastrophic events, local son Stephen Chambers, 19, recounted for UGS the moment when he should have realized a grave mistake had been made. “I took the keys this morning and told my mother I was going out. Her reply? ‘Okay. Bye Stevie.’” said Chambers, barely able to recite the heartless words. “I should have known something was up when I saw those 74 missed calls. But by that time, it was already too late.”
According to reports, the inexplicable oversight has so far been responsible for an overwhelming number of motor vehicle accidents, violent uprisings and general city wide anarchy, confirming the ever-present fears of mothers the world over.
Sources have since suggested that the effects of this terrifying lapse in maternal judgment do not even stop there.
“A record number of our nation’s sons and daughters have not returned home from parties which should have ended weeks ago, after their mothers failed to remind them to get back at a ‘reasonable hour this time’” said a spokesperson from the Office of Disaster Preparedness and Emergency Management (ODPEM). “We’re urging all the mothers out there to try and think about their children’s lives in the future, and to call them once more, before there is no city left to save.”
Prime Minister Portia Simpson Miller later supported the ODPEM’s urgent appeal and call to action. “All we need from our matriarchs are two words. Two simple, powerful words. Is that so much to ask?”
At press time, Chamber’s mom had finally got through to her child, at which point she was made to understand that none of the aforementioned events actually occurred, and that she was reportedly “overreacting as usual.”
“It’s not a big deal mommy.” reassured Chambers as he exited the driveway. “I said I’ll be careful. Jeez.”