UPPER ST. ANDREW – Despite repeated requests from his wife and children to leave work at work for once, sources confirm that Opposition Leader Mr. Andrew Holness has continued to torment his close friends and family by systematically rejecting every single one of the decisions, suggestions, thoughts and ideas they may have ever considered at any point in time.
Juliett Holness, wife of the workaholic, shared with UGS many of the trials she has been forced to endure since her husband was officially made Leader of the Opposition.
“Our son said he wanted to make a volcano for his class project. He asked for the legal precedent. I tried to set the table for dinner one night. He said it was contrary to the principles our great nation was founded on. I tendered a proposal requesting that we open the downstairs window. You know, to let some air in. He spent the next 45 minutes detailing a report which extolls the benefits of remaining warm and uncomfortable on a hot, humid day. I mean, how are we supposed to get anything done around here?”
Holness follows a long line of dedicated Opposition Leaders who have pushed the boundaries of the post to increasingly literal places, culminating in his recent rejection of the use of the Caribbean Court of Justice and counter proposal to handle all relevant arbitration anywhere else that the ruling party is not okay with. But reports indicate that his trailblazing approach to the position has taken a significant toll on the lives of the people around him.
“I could tolerate it when he was Prime Minister, at least then all he did was bang on the dinner table every time we came to a consensus” continued Mrs Holness, whose every attempt to appease the out-of-control opposer has been challenged and thwarted with growing efficiency. “It’s his whole identity now. If he doesn’t suggest it first, whatever it is, it’s a problem. Where do we draw the line?”
Sources close to the JLP Leader have revealed that he has recently started suffering from nightmares where he is reportedly embroiled in a scandal after accusations that he openly agreed with one of the government’s national policies. “Just last night he woke up screaming, begging me to forgive him for accepting some arbitrary PNP proposal.” confirmed his wife. “Honestly, I think Andrew just needs a break. He works too hard.”
At press time, Mr. Holness admitted that he may indeed have been overworking himself lately, and launched an all-new system designed to lessen his workload by automatically requesting a national referendum for any and everything that ever leaves the mouth of the Prime Minister.