MONTEGO BAY – At the stroke of midnight, when all was still, sources confirm that local physiotherapist Earl Taylor woke up to the shock of his life, and his nightly prayers answered, when he was confronted by the undead incarnation of legendary serial killer and light-skinned woman Annie Palmer.
Palmer, who occupied the Rose Hall estate for several years before she herself was murdered, is allegedly responsible for the violent deaths of her three husbands, her housekeeper, and countless slaves on her sugar cane plantation before she committed her latest crime of “stealing [Taylor’s] heart.”
“It was so romantic. I heard a piercing scream in the dead of the night, and then everything went black. That’s when I saw her.” said the smitten 33-year-old, recalling the moment when their eyes first met. “The beautiful severed head of the one and only Annie Palmer, floating around my very own house in all its non-black glory.”
Reports indicate that Taylor has spent every waking moment since his introduction to the White Witch of Rosehall practicing various pick up lines and attempting to summon the demon spirit back to his home for a drink, or a walk in the park.
“I haven’t been the same since you escaped from your tomb and into my life” rehearsed Taylor, who reminded UGS that she could have haunted anyone, but she chose to haunt him. “Are you sure you were dead for the last 150 years? It looks good on you.”
Taylor later lamented that “[he’s] probably not good enough for her anyway,” but as luck would have it, sources have confirmed that the murderous poltergeist has since reappeared and invited Taylor for a chat at the edge of the balcony of his two story home.
At press time, as Taylor neared the brink of his terrace, and the screams of Palmer’s murdered victims swelled to a crescendo, UGS asked the lovestruck man why he had chosen to limit his dating prospects to this particular complexion.
“Yeah black is beautiful and whatever but let’s be real. I dodged a bullet here.” replied Taylor, referring to his dark-skinned ex-fiancée who he reportedly stomached for the last 5 years. “It’s just my preference, okay? I’m sure she’ll understand.”