Local Fitness Trainer Honestly Never Noticed Supposed “Male Gym Members”

KINGSTON – Responding to the rising number of complaints from the alleged male members of the Zulu Fitness Club, the gym’s management was today forced to break the news to instructor Xavier Samuels, 37, that half of the people inside the gym each day actually exist and pay to be there.

UGS understands that Samuels, who “could have sworn the place was just full of lazy janitors who really enjoy picking up weights and putting them back down,” is now doubtful of his future with the establishment after his supervisors raised concerns which reportedly challenge everything he believes in.

“I love going above and beyond to help Zulu Fitness members achieve their goals, but what they’re asking me to do here feels grossly inappropriate,” said Samuels, while administering “a standard post-workout rub down” to a long-time member who mistakenly thought she could do without one.

Reports indicate that several male members of the gym have since expressed a desire to be assisted with a training regimen or at least be taught how to use some of the machines, but Samuels insists that he was not employed to babysit.

“Excuse me for thinking that injuring yourself while learning on your own was part of the whole workout experience,” said Samuels, before lodging a complaint about the oppressive working environment. “If I have to stop to give some guy assistance then who is going to stretch Sherene out? Huh? Tell me who.”

One member, who chose to remain anonymous, told UGS of an incident prior to today’s events where the trainer had him expelled from the premises for asking what he should do to get rid of his love handles.

“He asked me if I was lost and told the security to escort me out,” the member revealed. “I was wearing a Zulu Fitness t-shirt.”

Experts claim that the new hard-line stance taken by the management could mean wholesale changes for the local gym, with some trainers even being asked to exit the aerobics room during sessions that they have no part in.

“So now it’s possible for one instructor to teach spin class without the watchful eye of a few chivalrous trainers?” Asked a genuinely perplexed Samuels. “Let’s not go overboard here.”

At press time, sources close to the trainer confirmed that he has since considered applying for jobs “anywhere [his] talents will actually be appreciated,” including Curves, pole dancing classes, and any netball clubs looking for a dedicated masseuse.

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