KINGSTON – The St. Theresa First Assembly Sunday morning service reportedly felt a collective wave of suspicion last week regarding the subtle yet deliberate movement of Pastor Arnaldo Davies’ lifesize WorldVentures banner from its original position at the back of the church, where he originally placed it “for safe keeping”, to its new location in the middle of pew 3.
Sources confirm that several members of the congregation have since arrived at the crushing realization that an offer to join Pastor Davies’ multi level marketing network could not be far off now, and that it was probably already too late to casually slip out of the back of the church unnoticed.
“Oh God no. Oh God.” said long-time deacon Beverly Lewis, recalling with dread that the pastor had lately started referring to heaven as the ultimate DreamTrips™ vacation club. “Maybe if we all just ignore it, it’ll be too awkward for him to bring it up.”
According to reports, the pastor subsequently launched into a sermon on the quest for true “work-life balance,” before wondering aloud whether there were any genuine home based business opportunities that could guarantee such a thing. A new hymn sheet was also handed out with never before seen verses on “fun, freedom and fulfillment” through travel membership sales which could reportedly be full time or part time or “whatever works for you.”
“And on the seventh day, the Lord rested,” preached Pastor Davies, who called no attention to the powerpoint presentation projected onto a stained glass depiction of the nativity scene. “If at the time He had created one of the 110,000 independent WorldVentures representatives currently operating in 24 countries across the globe, He could have been resting in a reasonably priced luxury hotel anywhere in the world.”
At press time, pastor Davies invited the congregation to a prayer meeting midweek or “anytime [they’re] available,” and a church retreat on the following weekend “for those that still need convincing.”
Okay, now that we have your attention, and you’ve seen all the facts, we at UGS feel that it’s time to let you know the truth. This is all a WorldVentures promotion. Come market and sell vacation and entertainment packages with us, friends. Get ready to live the life you deserve.