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Monthly Archives: May 2015

Rival Football Supporter Celebrating Like He’s Never Seen A Goal Before

May 13, 2015by UGSstaff

Reacting to one of the many outcomes that any logical person should expect to see in an ongoing football game, local sports bar patron Dennis Chen is reportedly behaving as […]

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Sports

Filter Lanes, Middle of Intersections Officially Designated For Taxi Operators

May 12, 2015by UGSstaff

The Route and Robot Taxi Association of Jamaica (RARTAJ) has successfully lobbied the Government of Jamaica to legalize the act of overtaking long lines of “traffic-slaves” via filter lanes, then […]

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Current Affairs

Host Sued After Using Glass Table for Dominoes Night

May 11, 2015by UGSstaff

MANDEVILLE – On April 23rd of this year, returning resident Alrick Russell decided to celebrate his arrival on the island by hosting an innocent games night for a few of his […]

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Current Affairs

Dancehall Artiste Alkaline Steals the Show at Virgin Sacrifice

May 8, 2015by UGSstaff

KINGSTON – Legions of fans across the country’s infernal underworld have continued to heap praise on recording artiste Alkaline following his stellar performance at the 105th Annual Tribute to the All-Seeing […]

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Entertainment

119 First Responders Arrive on the Scene at Caller’s Funeral

May 7, 2015by UGSstaff

SPANISH TOWN – Responding to a desperate plea for assistance with a break-in at his home two weeks ago, police today found that the crime scene at the residence of […]

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Current Affairs

Relieved Trey Songz Comes Out To World As Virgin

May 6, 2015by UGSstaff

In a statement that has sent shockwaves throughout the majority of the female population, singer-songwriter and former sex symbol Trey Songz has admitted to the public that, contrary to all of […]

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Entertainment

Public Hospitals Urged To Cut Costs by Burying Patients Alive

May 5, 2015by UGSstaff

The Ministry of Health has advised all healthcare professionals to curtail the waste of precious resources by preemptively burying their patients underground and forgetting about them altogether. The recommendation comes […]

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Current Affairs

Uninhabitable New Dimension Promises Truly Exclusive Party Experience

May 4, 2015by UGSstaff

UPPER ST. ANDREW – Jamaica’s elite partygoers can once again rejoice following the news of a crucial breakthrough in the ongoing search for guaranteed exclusivity. According to Dmitri Belgrade, lead […]

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Entertainment

Trauma Sinks In as Man Realises He Just Washed Girlfriend’s Underwear

May 1, 2015by UGSstaff

TRELAWNY – What began as a routine laundry day for innocent local mechanic Donovan Simpson, 29, quickly turned into one of the most traumatic moments of his life when the […]

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Local, Love & Relationships

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