As the church bell tolled for 8 o’clock over the quiet hillside town of Bakers Pen, St. Ann, the members of the Church on the Rock first service congregation strolled in, exchanged pleasantries, and pretended not to notice long-time member Ethel Robinson, 63, who had recently taken to getting into the Spirit from the moment the service begun through to the end of the morning – not that there’s anything wrong with that of course, sources confirmed.
“That’s our Ethel.” said church regular Pearlue Clarke when asked about Ms. Robinson’s penchant for receiving the Holy Ghost when the rest of the congregation would just like to hear the pastor’s message. “I guess she’s just a little more blessed than the rest of us.”
Pastor Brownie, who has led the church for the past 23 years, shared with UGS that he had barely even noticed Ms. Robinson’s sustained outbursts, and he only shouted his way through his weekly announcements because he was not sure whether or not his mic was working.
“Oh she was speaking in tongues the whole time? For the 18th Sunday in a row? Praise be to God then.” said the Pastor, avoiding eye contact. “No such thing as too many interruptions in the house of Lord, I always say.”
The pastor later added, without judgement or anything, “She comes to both morning services by the way.”
Other members of the local church, having made the sign of the cross and asked for forgiveness, and choosing to remain unnamed, were more forthcoming about their opinion of Ms. Robinson’s frequent spiritual outbursts which seemed to grow louder and more pointed the more the congregation subtly tried to move on with service.
“I’ll be getting into my own Spirit, speaking in tongues and writhing on the floor, then Ethel jumps in and it’s all about her again.” said one frustrated member. “It takes me right out of it.”
Another unnamed member claimed that he actually did try to speak to the eternally glorified woman, but was quickly made to regret ever bringing it up in the first place. “I asked her if everything was okay at home, since it seemed like God was talking to her a lot lately. Big mistake. Last time the Holy Ghost visited her she stared directly at me the whole time her body was in spasms. I’m sure I heard my name a couple times too.”
According to reports, Ethel has also been known to pray way louder than everyone else when it’s obviously supposed to be an under your breath thing, and often rebuked the lesser churchgoers in the name of Jesus for opening their eyes during her marathon grace sessions.
“I get it, okay? You’re blessed. But we don’t have all day.” said the latest victim of Robinson’s defensive tirade at the last church retreat. “The Spirit is an amazing thing to receive in your life and everything, all I’m trying to say i- and there she goes again. Christ.”
At press time, God Himself descended on the congregation to personally thank Ethel for her years of service, but reportedly left soon after, ears still ringing, when He was unable to get a word in edgewise.