KINGSTON – Local marketing consultant Derval Webley, 29, reportedly could not help but smile to himself late last week after he inadvertently made eye contact with one of the adolescent beggars going from car to car at the Liguanea intersection, realized he left his windows down, checked to make sure that his doors were locked, and proceeded to tell the young man not to bother with the “damn foolishness in the early morning.”
“Don’t even think about it.” said Webley, swelling with pride as the vagrant attempted to wipe his windshield anyway. “With [your] dirty water on my car glass. How much time I must tell you people the same thing? Eeh? God man. No means no.”
Webley was still radiating with self-satisfaction when he was reached for comment later that day, as he reflected on his no-nonsense rejection of the latest request for his hard earned money from the beggar, who was clearly quite comfortable waking up on the sidewalk each morning and choosing the lazy route to riches and success.
“Every single day this big strong-back man out there at the light, begging people with [his] two long [hands] like [he] can’t just get a job like the rest of us. I can’t take [them] man.” said Webley, turning the AC up in his car a little bit more. “And you know is drugs him wouldda run go buy with the money too. So [the] whole a dem stay [sic].”
Sources later confirmed that Webley expressed an even greater level of disgust when it was revealed to him that some of the beggars were actually saving the money they received each week from the “suckers” who continued to acknowledge their existence.
“I saw that video of the woman who always a beg beg people on Knutsford Boulevard waiting to deposit the people dem money at the bank. Can you imagine? The bank! Probably saving it to buy drugs for her friend dem too [sic].”
Webley reportedly went on to hiss his teeth.
“You can’t even walk down the road in peace anymore. All you hear is how dem hungry or just want some coins if you can spare a few. Is full time the government get rid of the whole a dem now man [sic]. It’s not right.”
At press time, Webley was reportedly seen laughing to himself as he adjusted his rearview mirror and witnessed some “fool” wind down his car window and hand over an unfinished patty he had lying on his passenger seat to one of the boys on the street.
“Damn idiot.” He continued, “Might as well invite them to your house for a hot meal too.”