KINGSTON – Providing a much needed addition to the nation’s bottled water industry, local manufacturing company H20 in a Bottle has today announced that after years of intense research and development, they are finally ready to introduce their highly anticipated line of water that’s in a portable container. Based on a radical redesign of the natural resource, the revolutionary new product is purported to deliver on the promise of water in a bottle unlike any known brand of bottled water before it.
“We’re changing the way people think about water,” began marketing manager Kyle Moncrieffe in his address to the awestruck masses at the product’s launch. “Prepare yourselves. This isn’t your grandma’s drinking water.”
The innovative bottle of water will reportedly be released with a diverse range of options to choose from, including a light summer water for a relaxing afternoon on the verandah, a wildlife water for the outdoorsy types among us, and of course an inside water to be consumed within the home or office. All have been usefully colour coded to ensure that consumers are able to tell the difference.
“Just forget everything you thought you knew about water.” continued Moncrieffe. “Welcome to the future.”
One lucky human being who won a raffle at the launch event was allowed a quick taste from one of the all-new bottles of water on display. “I don’t even know what I was drinking all this time.” said the human, luxuriating in the realization that he just drank water. “And apparently I was cheating myself out of something called splashability? Damn, these guys know what they’re doing.”
At press time, although the bottle of water was received with high praise, reports indicated that many individuals still remained unimpressed by the prospect of another brand of (bottled!) H20, a trend which experts believe could mean way more bottles of water for the rest of us.