Brand New Outlook on Life Scheduled to Last Until Later this Afternoon

MONTEGO BAY – Following the invigorating new wave of internal motivation which reportedly overcame local certifying officer Dahlia Patterson last Thursday, inspiring her to treat each new challenge as an opportunity and turn over a new page in her life for good, local researchers have advised the public that the regularly scheduled sense of drive and purpose should begin to fade away within the hour and wrap up completely around 4:45 this afternoon.

The news comes in the wake of Patterson’s decision to get up and run early tomorrow morning, which sources say will supposedly be followed by a healthy lunch she would have prepared from the night before, and a moment of calm reflection later in the day in order to organize her thoughts if the going gets tough.

“That’s cute.” said lead researcher Jonathan Ames, highlighting a study which frames the fresh new perspective on life in the context of the dozens of such epiphanies which Patterson has experienced in this year alone. “We expect her to begin to lose steam around the time she picks up that new book she’s been meaning to read and spends two and a half hours on twitter instead.”

UGS caught up with Dahlia on the road to self-actualization as she took a moment out of her day to budget her income for the rest of the year.

“Happiness is a choice.” argued Patterson, who, despite every other time she had given up all her bad habits forever, described last Thursday as the start of the rest of her life. “And if we want to change the world, we’ve got to start with ourselves.”

Patterson went on to put off completing her monthly report for just a little while longer as she searched for a “Seize the Day” desktop wallpaper to inspire herself further.

At press time, the positive vibrations of the new Dahlia Patterson reportedly inspired one of her coworkers, Andre Grayson, to renew his gym membership and then never mention it again after about two weeks or so.

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