Environment to Jump-Start Peace Talks with Human Race

Representatives from the natural environment have reportedly moved to broker a peace deal with humanity in their latest attempt to de-escalate rising tensions associated with the hostile human occupation of planet Earth.

Although the development has been hailed as a step in the right direction in terms of the ongoing conflict between the parties, experts have expressed doubts as to Man’s willingness to engage in a dialogue which restricts them from the widespread degradation of the world they inhabit.

“If these negotiations are to move forward then our demands must be met.” said a pine tree delegation to Geneva, referring to their requests for the immediate reduction of all ecosystem damaging activities and a cutback on extinction of animal species.”We don’t think it’s a lot to ask.” In return, the environment has committed to remain a habitable place to live. 

Reports indicate that mankind has since prepared a counterproposal suggesting that everyone move on from this as if it was never brought up in the first place.

“To suggest that we are in any way responsible for the steadily rising temperatures across the globe, loss of animal habitat and species, and melting of the polar ice caps at never before seen rates is both unreasonable and inflammatory,” said a representative from the human race earlier today.

“And as for all that talk about becoming the source of our own extinction? Humanity doesn’t respond well to threats.”

Despite the initial pushback from the general human population however, sources suggest that they are likely to engage in this dialogue with nature in case one of the animals can point us to a new source of oil or coal or ivory since we’re starting to run low anyway.

“So the wildlife and the sea and the atmosphere want to talk now, great. But what are they bringing to the table?” asked one human who went on to question whether it was Man who should be asked to reduce greenhouse gases or the sun who should be asked to not be so hot all the time. “We weren’t born yesterday you know.”

At press time, sources confirmed that the cosmos joined the negotiations with an appeal to the human race to maybe postpone any further space exploration until around the year 4025 or so. A year which was reportedly chosen for “no particular reason.”  

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