VATICAN CITY – In what is being described as his chillest proclamation to date, and another testament to how down with the times Christianity can actually be, His Holiness Pope Francis has officially announced plans to make meditation with the aid of marijuana the eighth sacrament of the Catholic church.
“The church must endorse any measure that makes one feel closer to God, man,” said the papal leader during his newly instituted Wake and Bake Mass. “We already consume the Lord’s body and blood, right? Which, by the way, is blowing my mind right now. So what’s a little toke from His garden too?”
The successor to Benedict XVI reportedly succumbed to an uncontrollable giggling fit shortly thereafter.
“Baptism and communion are like, adequate displays of one’s commitment to God and all, but if you really want to hear the Lord’s voice, you got to take a hit of this [expletive].” said Pope Francis as he liberally applied some Visine to his eyes. “So you guys coming back to church now or what?”
The laid back sacrament could become dogma once voted on by all the cardinals of the church, who have promised to get around to it “some time after this Simpsons marathon,” but reports indicate that this latest liberal decree has enraged totally lame Catholics the world over.
Still unsure of whether the mounting opposition following the progressive new step is real or some worldwide conspiracy orchestrated by people out to get him, Pope Francis simply had this to say to his critics. “Uh, what were we talking about again?”