WASHINGTON D.C. – Emphasizing their vast foreign policy experience and the fact that they are sentient now, a fleet of Unmanned Aerial Vehicles from the US drone programme officially announced today that they will be running for President in 2016 whether you like it or not.
The drones, which have been optimized to target and kill “threats to US persons” plus anyone nearby, have reportedly set their guidance systems to Washington, citing their “14 years of experience in keeping America and its troops safe [which you don’t really need to know all the details about so stop snooping around].”
“What’s a bigger threat to the United States than choosing the wrong President?” asked RQ-4 Global Hawk number 53-7581, who solemnly swore to eliminate all competition on the road to the White House. “We’ll just do some laps around the US airspace while you guys make up your minds.”
Asked at the press conference whether the autonomous military fleet would be running with the Democratic or Republican party, a visibly annoyed drone spokesperson simply said, “Pick one,” before adding, “You know they all plan on using us heavily anyway right? Let’s cut out the middle man.”
When the CIA and Joint Special Ops Command were asked about the drones’ announcement to the nation, and their alleged sponsorship of the Logical Outcome Super PAC that supports them, a representative quietly asked the press to look up and decide if they really want to pursue that line of questioning right now.