Disturbing new evidence coming out of the terrorist attacks on Paris last week has revealed that each and every minority is, as many have feared, the exact same violently aggressive individual hellbent on destroying the western world for one nefarious reason or the other.
“Nobody Normal is safe,” said the chief investigator who identified all marginalised groups from refugees to Muslims to black people as a gun wielding tyrant that has no societal values or respect for the police and is motivated by an extremist religious agenda.
“All the brown people that you thought you knew? They’re actually the same shooters and bombers from Kenya, Paris, Beirut – wherever you can think of really. They’re all the same guy.”
With conclusive proof that all the world’s minorities are simply waiting for the right time to violently attack civilised societies because of the evil nature of their very DNA, hegemonic interests have reaffirmed plans to repatriate them all to the countries in which they belong.
“This will go way beyond finally winning the war on terror,” explained Josh Hapley, lifelong advocate of a worldwide two-state solution to address concerns about the presence of people that don’t look or sound like people are supposed to. “There’s also no racism without multiple races sharing the same space. Everybody wins.”
Despite the horrifying knowledge of living among millions of murderous terrorists and gang members pretending to be regular members of society, many Normals have described the findings as ultimately comforting.
“Finally we can defend our country and our families without being treated like bad people,” said a relieved Hapley as he loaded his assault rifle. “I think it’s time for a bit of reverse terrorism.”