‘Sex Cool, Abstinence Lame’ Argue Local High School Students

high school 2KINGSTON – Adding their piece to the longstanding national debate on sex education, a group representing high school students across the island has come forward to declare that, while they appreciate all the effort, they would all much rather be on top of each other right now.

“Or inside if, you know, if that’s cool with you.” added one daring student to another.  

The group who calls itself SEX, which is understood to be less of an acronym and more of just what was on their minds at the time, went on to reiterate that while students do enjoy abstinence concerts featuring their favourite dancehall artistes, most of them remain doubtful that abstinence is actually “up like seven.”

“Sure, in theory the best way to avoid pregnancy and STD’s is to just keep our clothes on,” says 6th form student Candace Browne, who went on to explain the importance of waiting until the right time. “But sorry Alaine and Tifa, the right time is right now.”

Sources confirm that SEX is willing to work on finding some common ground with teachers and principals if they are given some alternatives to sex that do not include not having sex.

“We don’t want it to be like this. No one does,” said an unnamed SEX representative as he carefully positioned his school bag over his lap.

“But accidents happen when people spend all day and night thinking about one thing and everyone around you is thinking about that same thing and all you want to do is that thing and you can’t stop thinking about it over and over again even though you’ve totally done that thing already. Like, so many times too. With models. Twins.”

At press time, a glimmer of hope appeared for parents and teachers nationwide as two students were seen leaving an empty classroom following what was described as an intense, hour-long session of pure abstinence.