KINGSTON – Explaining that she, like the rest of us, would love to get the national debates underway, Prime Minister Portia Simpson-Miller has revealed that God, “who continues to procrastinate,” has yet to touch her with the answers she will be required to provide so that those debates can actually happen.

“He hasn’t even given me the questions yet,” said the frustrated Prime Minister, apologizing to the country on behalf of her Lord, Saviour, Economics Advisor and Political Strategist for His tardiness once again. “A national debate is a critical facet of our democratic system. You hear that God? A critical facet!”   

Mrs. Simpson-Miller went on to reveal that announcing the cancellation of the debates was a move that was intended to put some “pep in His step,” since it appeared as though He thought she would no longer require the extremely specific input of the Almighty at every step along the way.  

“Okay, let’s try this again. Question 1…” said the PNP leader, on her knees, wondering how long God was willing to keep this up. “Seriously?! I’ll call this whole thing off if I have to.”

Continued Simpson-Miller after a brief moment of silence, “What was that Lord? Did I hear post-election debates?”

At press time, the Lord indicated that He already had His hands full dealing with the JLP’s prayers for an appealing campaign.