Portia Backs Hologram of Herself for Eventual Successor


Putting an end to suggestions that she is unwilling to make room for change, PNP leader Portia Simpson-Miller today officially endorsed a holographic likeness of herself as “the only viable candidate” to lead the party into a new era and beyond.

In her address to the nation, Simpson-Miller guaranteed that the lifelike 3D recreation will be ready to take the mantle the moment she steps down, as long as the lighting is just right and someone remembers to carry the projector.

“This, my people, is of utmost importance,”  said the former Prime Minister, who sources confirm is beginning to accept that she will not live forever. “You wanted someone new and you got it – it even changes colour every five years or so.”

Portia later took the opportunity to display the hologram’s full range of capabilities to the public, which include walking, waving, and answering pre-approved questions submitted a week in advance.

“You won’t be able to tell the difference,” continued Simpson-Miller as the hologram doodled on its little hologram notes. “This is non-negotiable.”

At press time, the Opposition Leader unveiled a Peter Phillips hologram which has reportedly been programmed to just kind of wait around and see what happens.