Stating for the record that it has no idea what it’s doing, the universe today released a statement dispelling the “hilarious” notion that everything in life is unfolding as it should.
“I mean hey, maybe it is, who knows?” said the universe, who shared that it was actually kind of flattering that people think there’s some sort of cosmic plan to the random nonsense it’s been throwing out there for the last few millennia.
“I was just going to start over from scratch to try and get it right this time but if you guys are into it then cool. That’s cool.”
The trees and stars and space and time later added that it has some vague ideas about how things will turn out, “but nothing concrete.”
“I’m supposed to be conspiring to make everything work out for everyone? [expletive]. That’s so much pressure,” said the entire cosmos, who sources confirm has been employing a more hands off approach since the whole dinosaur incident. “I’m just hoping for the best like everyone else here.”
Responding to the multitude of inhabitants who have decided to “let go and trust the universe,” the universe reportedly left a message in the seas, the mountains, the clouds and the stars to go ahead and do “Whatever You Think This Means.”