PALLET TOWN – Junior securities and bonds analyst Ash Ketchum, 29, revealed today that he’s kind of moved on from that “silly little” pokémon phase he went through as a child with no real responsibilities or parental guidance.
“Hey, if catching pokémon could pay these bills right now then trust me, I’d catch ‘em all,” said Mr. Ketchum, who shared that his current focus is making enough money to cover his rent and car payments. “I’m just trying to make my targets this quarter. That’s my pokémon now.”
Ketchum explained that while he did enjoy the days of chasing and battling pokémon for a living, he didn’t want to end up being the old guy training his Clefairy to Meteor Mash 12 year old kids at the local park.
“Imagine me running around and catching pokémon at my age.” added Ketchum. “How sad would that be?”
Speaking of his past pokémon, Ketchum also shared that he and Pikachu kind of drifted apart over the years as they grew older.
“We hang out every once in awhile but it’s just not the same anymore.” admitted the former Orange League champion, who recently enrolled in night school at a local community college. “It’s awkward. I think he resents me now that he knows what freedom is.”
Sources claim that the two still share a much warmer relationship than Ketchum and his mother, who he still hasn’t forgiven for just allowing him to drop out of school at 10 years old. Years, he says, that he can never get back.
At press time, Ketchum downloaded Pokémon Go, played for a while, and then quickly deleted the game as he heard his wife pull into the driveway.