After months of watching their loved ones suffer from the symptoms of soca season withdrawal, aka tabanca, families across the Caribbean have issued a desperate plea for them to please seek professional help, now.  

“We can’t bear to see them like this,” said one tearful mother who reached out to UGS revealing that her two daughters haven’t eaten in weeks and keep saying the words “Go dung [sic]” over and over again.

“Do you want to see your mother cry?!” screamed their father as he heard the sounds of Destra coming from inside the bathroom. “Because you’re making your mother cry again!”

“These lifeless, disembodied soca junkies are a problem we have to deal with year after year,” explained a local expert from the Addiction Treatment Services Council. “It’s all fun and games when they can get their fix, but once the season is over, it’s their loved ones that are left to pick up the pieces.”

Jessica, little sister of a local junkie, shared that her family tried to hold an intervention for her brother back in July, after convincing him he received a secret invite to a cooler party only “real” soca fans would know about.

“We knew that would work.” revealed the 8-year-old. “But when the intervention began, and all of us shared the hurt he had caused, and the speaking cushion was passed to him [indicating his turn to speak], he just started whining on it. He whines on everything now.”

New reports indicate that many of the soca junkies have lost their jobs due to the addiction, often ducking work for whole weeks at a time and returning in nothing but jeans shorts and torn up t-shirts.

“There are plans to set up a regional rehab centre in Port-of-Spain which should really help curb this problem in the off season,” revealed the expert. “We’ll have soca music and bottles of rum outside to lure them in, and once they’ve palanced inside, we’ll lock them in until April. It’s their only hope.”

“Turns out the bumper really is too real,” continued the expert. “It’s dangerous.”