KINGSTON – Stating that they were long overdue for a vacation in both offshore tax havens, the PNP has released a statement promising to address the missing funds collected for campaign purposes as soon as they get back from some well needed rest and relaxation.
Leader of the Opposition Portia Simpson Miller followed the statement by graciously offering to give up the leadership of the PNP if anyone is interested, though she quickly added that she would need it back the second this little fuss is over, “and even sooner than that if it’s taking too long.”
“We just need some time to clear our heads,” said one unnamed Opposition Minister as he boarded a flight headed for the sunny getaway spot highlighted by the Panama Papers revelation as the perfect place to hide your money or delay answering the questions coming from inside your own party regarding the whereabouts of campaign funds. “When did clearing your head become illegal?”
Portia later backtracked from her earlier comments by suggesting that she hadn’t heard anything about the scandal after all, actually, so this spontaneous vacation “definitely has nothing to do with the liberal banking policies of these wonderful nations.”
The Opposition Leader went on to assure the public that she would Google this whole thing later though if she remembers, but made no promises as the Panama City bank is really nice this time of year.