New Guy at Local FBI Office Has Suspicious Twang


KINGSTON – Newly assigned Operations Assistant at the local FBI Office, Delroy ‘Big Money Poppin’ Priestly, who is only available by phone, reportedly raised eyebrows on his first day with a distinct twang that many have identified as the kind of fake American accent a scammer might use to scam Americans.

“Wadda crazy coincidence, my man. Crazy,” said the new agent in response to the observation made by one of his coworkers, before asking once again for the precise details relating to the Bureau’s counter scamming efforts in the country. “You fellas are a trip.”

Big Money was assigned to the local office due to what he describes as “a mixup in accounting [and the sudden disappearance of all the other prospective agents tapped for the job],” but he shared that he’s happy to be there despite the circumstances and is ready to get to work as soon as he receives all the intelligence the FBI has on those “goddamned Jamaican scammers.”

“Gosh, I love the bang up job you guys are doing here. Super. But what’s the deal with those plans I should’ve had by now? Not cool guys,” repeated Priestly over speakerphone, earnestly conveying his intention to finally put an end to the growing scamming epidemic in the country. “Not cool at all.”

At press time, Priestly reminded the team that if anyone receives any credit by accident, it probably just means that the cell phones are on the fritz again.

“So go ahead and send that credit back right away folks, please.” added an emotional Priestly. “It was meant for their grandmas.”