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Category Archives: Current Affairs

Attorney General Mourns Tragic Display of Basic Human Decency

June 14, 2016by UGSstaff

Describing the rainbow flag flown at half mast by the US embassy as “the real tragedy,” Attorney General Malahoo Forte has expressed her solidarity with the sections of the Jamaican legal […]

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Current Affairs

Shaw Offers Jamaicans No Strings Attached Tax Deal As Long As Nobody Asks Any Questions

April 22, 2016by UGSstaff

KINGSTON – On a rainy night in an old abandoned warehouse at the time we all agreed, Minister of Finance Audley Shaw emerged from the shadows with two large briefcases […]

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Current Affairs

Holness Opens Parliament with Technical Definition of ‘Prosperity’

April 4, 2016by UGSstaff

Explaining that he would have clarified sooner if it weren’t for the PNP, Prime Minister Andrew Holness opened his Parliamentary address today with the Merriam-Webster 1A web definition of the […]

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Current Affairs

Obama Travels to Cuba on One Man Mission to Finish Job CIA Started

March 21, 2016by UGSstaff

In a move that Fidel Castro himself could never have expected, inside sources reveal that President Obama has traveled to the island of Cuba on a daring mission to wipe out […]

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Current Affairs, International

Liberals Now Considering Positives of Donald Trump Presidency

Featuredby UGSstaff

UNITED STATES – In an attempt to look at the bright side of a reality wherein the 45th President of the United States is a man who is likely to change […]

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Current Affairs, International

Plot Thickens as Politicians’ Houses Begin Surfacing All Over Island

February 18, 2016by UGSstaff

Following weeks of speculation regarding the origin of the funds politicians used to build their upscale homes, and the resulting experiment with transparency, sources reveal that scores of cleverly hidden […]

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Current Affairs, National Elections

God Sure Taking His Own Sweet Time with Portia’s Debate Answers

February 12, 2016by UGSstaff 1 Comment

KINGSTON – Explaining that she, like the rest of us, would love to get the national debates underway, Prime Minister Portia Simpson-Miller has revealed that God, “who continues to procrastinate,” […]

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Current Affairs, National Elections

Vox Pop: What Would it Take for You to Change Your Party Allegiance?

February 11, 2016by UGSstaff

The Jamaican people have long been accused of putting their lifelong political party allegiances above all else in the voting booth, so UGS took to the streets with one simple […]

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Current Affairs, National Elections

Nation’s Guidance Counsellors Nah Apologise to No Battyboy

Featuredby UGSstaff

KINGSTON – Stating for the record that battyman fi dead, guidance counsellors across the island have reaffirmed their unwillingness to go above and beyond the line of duty by assisting homosexual […]

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Current Affairs

Fox Responds to Criticism, Hires Noted Minstrel Show Actor as Face of Black Issues

Featuredby UGSstaff

NEW YORK – As part of a widely commended push for a more diverse news and commentary staff, Fox News Channel has reportedly hired minstrel show veteran Mark Cruger as […]

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Current Affairs

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