UNITED STATES – Explaining that the position also doubles as an opportunity to recite your last rites, 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick asked today that his kneeling stance during the US national anthem be recognized from now on as a demonstration of one of the many ways a black person can make themselves smaller and slightly more difficult to be murdered when confronted by the police.
“Starting a conversation about racial inequality in America is great and all, but maybe it’s time to give some practical advice to the next man or woman who stubbornly refuses to not be black around an armed police officer,” said Kaepernick at a press conference held in the wake of two more tragic deaths at the hands of the state this week.
“Bullets are coming your way, let’s just accept that now. But at least this way they might have to reload before you get served and protected to death.”
At press time, Kaepernick did that slow motion move from the Matrix where Neo dodges all the bullets as the national anthem began to play.