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Category Archives: Current Affairs

Kaepernick Just Kneeling Now to Demonstrate How to Be Smaller Shooting Target

Featuredby UGSstaff

UNITED STATES – Explaining that the position also doubles as an opportunity to recite your last rites, 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick asked today that his kneeling stance during the US national […]

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Current Affairs

God Not Sure What Al Miller Talking About

Featuredby UGSstaff

KINGSTON – The Lord Our God came forward today to publicly request that Reverend Al Miller repeat his story about the transportation of convicted drug trafficker Christopher Dudus Coke just […]

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Current Affairs

New Guy at Local FBI Office Has Suspicious Twang

Featuredby UGSstaff

KINGSTON – Newly assigned Operations Assistant at the local FBI Office, Delroy ‘Big Money Poppin’ Priestly, who is only available by phone, reportedly raised eyebrows on his first day with a […]

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Current Affairs

PNP Promises to Answer All Campaign Financing Questions After Quick Unrelated Trip To Panama/ Cayman Islands

September 7, 2016by UGSstaff

KINGSTON – Stating that they were long overdue for a vacation in both offshore tax havens, the PNP has released a statement promising to address the missing funds collected for campaign […]

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Current Affairs

Blog Nobody Cares That Much About Releases Apology for Not Posting in a While

August 29, 2016by UGSstaff

Some wordpress blog called the soup or whatever really overestimated the level of interest in their little website today with a heartfelt apology to their “readership” for allegedly not posting […]

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Current Affairs

Ominous Shadow Looming Over Rio Olympics Incorporated Into Logo

July 20, 2016by UGSstaff

RIO – A new version of the Olympics logo was unveiled today in an extravagant, breathtaking ceremony, officially adding the looming shadow of fear and uncertainty to the image of the Games so that if […]

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Current Affairs

Melania Trump Gives Rousing Black Lives Matter Speech for Some Reason

July 19, 2016by UGSstaff

UNITED STATES – “Our black brothers and sisters are dying in the streets,” began Melania Trump in a heartfelt, if a little confusing call to action at the Republican National Convention where […]

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Current Affairs

Black Survival Tips: 9 Ways to Not Die During Your Next Traffic Stop

July 8, 2016by UGSstaff

Interacting with the police while black, typically referred to as a near death experience, can be dangerous and unpredictable. While we strongly advise against it, here are some tips to […]

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Current Affairs

Portia Backs Hologram of Herself for Eventual Successor

July 5, 2016by UGSstaff

Putting an end to suggestions that she is unwilling to make room for change, PNP leader Portia Simpson-Miller today officially endorsed a holographic likeness of herself as “the only viable […]

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Current Affairs

Instagram, Snapchat Introduce Summer Body Filters

June 21, 2016by UGSstaff

Time’s up! It’s officially summer and, well, you know how you look. To help you, their users, to cope with not being any visibly closer to that chiselled frame you […]

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