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Monthly Archives: June 2015

Local Teen Found Guilty of Ruining Cosby Show for Grandma

June 30, 2015by UGSstaff

KINGSTON – A palpable feeling of relief and jubilation reportedly swept through the Half Way Tree criminal court earlier today as local grandson-without-a-conscience Daniel Gordon, 17, was handed down the guilty […]

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Current Affairs

Dominican Government Insists It Has Like, A Ton of Black Friends

June 26, 2015by UGSstaff

SANTO DOMINGO – Finally addressing the increasing scrutiny they have faced as a result of their mass deportation efforts, which, “with any luck,” could return up to 300,000 people to […]

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Current Affairs, International

Man Kinda Proud of Himself After Stern Dismissal of Homeless Beggar

June 25, 2015by UGSstaff

KINGSTON – Local marketing consultant Derval Webley, 29, reportedly could not help but smile to himself late last week after he inadvertently made eye contact with one of the adolescent […]

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Local

Jay Z Holds Emergency Brainstorming Session to Figure Out How to Brag About ‘Tidal’ Failure

June 23, 2015by UGSstaff

Faced with the mounting evidence that his recently launched streaming service Tidal was a major flop, sources confirmed that superstar rapper and businessman Jay Z convened an emergency company wide […]

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Business, Entertainment

Breaking: All Your Friends, Acquaintances Definitely Doing Better Than You

June 22, 2015by UGSstaff

Substantiating your worst fears and insecurities since you first obtained your bachelor’s degree, reports today confirmed that every single person you know in your age group is currently way more […]

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Current Affairs

Media Apologizes for Charleston Coverage, “Just Got Lost in Terrorist’s Eyes”

June 19, 2015by UGSstaff

Still feeling a little hot and bothered by the widely circulated pictures of shooting suspect Dylann Roof, a host of mainstream media outlets today released a joint statement apologizing for their […]

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Current Affairs, International

Church on the Rock Just Ignoring When Ethel Gets Into Spirit Now

June 17, 2015by UGSstaff

As the church bell tolled for 8 o’clock over the quiet hillside town of Bakers Pen, St. Ann, the members of the Church on the Rock first service congregation strolled […]

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Local

Family in Shock as Unrestrained Dog Bites New Houseguest

June 16, 2015by UGSstaff

KINGSTON – Local high school teacher Claudia Rainford, 38, was reportedly left shocked and confused today following her untrained animal’s completely unforeseen attack on coworker and first-time guest Keisha Levy, especially […]

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Local

Local Get Together at Mercy of Self Appointed DJ

June 12, 2015by UGSstaff

KINGSTON – Suffering from the knowledge that he would likely be forced to listen to All About That Bass all the way through again for the fourth consecutive time, and […]

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Entertainment, Local

Government Mandates Fight to the Death Placement System for GSAT Failures

June 10, 2015by UGSstaff

The Ministry of Education has today announced that all children preparing to take next year’s make it or break it Grade Six Achievement Test will have the added motivation of […]

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Current Affairs

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