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Monthly Archives: July 2015

Intern Handed Career Defining Opportunity to Place File in Nearby Drawer

July 31, 2015by UGSstaff

KINGSTON – Unable to conceal his excitement over what could be the first major turning point in his professional life, local investment banking intern Kyle Montgomery, 21, has reportedly been […]

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Local

Brand New Outlook on Life Scheduled to Last Until Later this Afternoon

July 29, 2015by UGSstaff

MONTEGO BAY – Following the invigorating new wave of internal motivation which reportedly overcame local certifying officer Dahlia Patterson last Thursday, inspiring her to treat each new challenge as an […]

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Local

Study: Mother’s Blood Pressure Directly Related to Stupid Thing Child Just Did

July 27, 2015by UGSstaff

KINGSTON – Confirming what mothers have known since our species first began reproducing, a recent report on the relationship between maternal blood pressure and any and all acts of indiscipline […]

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Local

Not Even One Superhero Featured in Bizarre New Movie

July 22, 2015by UGSstaff

NEW YORK – Theatre goers across the U.S. were left scratching their heads in confusion last night once the final credits of a movie they paid their hard earned money to […]

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Entertainment

New Blog Post Changes Millions of Hearts, Minds on Hotly Debated Issue

July 21, 2015by UGSstaff

As expected, a vital new blog post released earlier today addressing a divisive public issue was reportedly able to put an end to the eternal argument once and for all, finally silencing […]

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Current Affairs

BREAKING: Kind of Awkward When Holness Visits Constituency Now

July 15, 2015by UGSstaff

ST. ANDREW – Experiencing what he has described as an “odd vibe” from the residents of the Olympic Gardens area of his constituency (and everywhere else outside his own neighbourhood) ever […]

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Current Affairs, National Elections

Company Introduces Cutting Edge Brand of Bottled Water We’ve All Been Waiting For

July 2, 2015by UGSstaff

KINGSTON – Providing a much needed addition to the nation’s bottled water industry, local manufacturing company H20 in a Bottle has today announced that after years of intense research and development, they are […]

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Business

Formerly Depressed Woman Only Wishes She Took Advice to ‘Cheer Up’ Sooner

July 1, 2015by UGSstaff

MONTEGO BAY – With the help of a few heroic co-workers and friends who had endured quite enough of their depressingly sad colleague, local bank manager Marsha Kinlocke, 36, finally […]

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Local

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