Needy Woman Sends Text After Night of Passionate Lovemaking

KINGSTON – Mistaking their latest session of physical and emotional intimacy for a personal connection of some kind, local stage five clinger Shanice Taylor, 27, has reportedly sent a barrage of two text messages to the man she has been having sex with for the last three weeks.

“Great, now she wants to hang out during the daytime,” says 33 year old Michael Roberts, victim of Taylor’s invasive and overbearing attempts to have lunch sometime this week. “These women are all the same.”

Sources confirm that although Roberts admits to going to increasingly romantic lengths to have meaningless sexual intercourse with Ms Taylor, he believes that the stalker’s chilling text, which reads “Wat you up to?”, has taken things too far, and is currently pursuing a restraining order to avoid further harassment.  

Roberts remains adamant that if he knew Taylor was such a “psycho bitch” from the start, he would not have opened himself up to this abuse by spending the previous night inside of her, and then hinting at their future together in order to have some morning sex as well.

Despite her sudden and relentless insistence on casual communication however, the suffocated bachelor later revealed that having sex with her was still probably for the best, considering the much less attractive alternative of not having sex with her at all.

“All I’m asking for is some space when I’m not already horny.” said Roberts, noticing that it was about to rain and beginning to understand her urge to reconnect. “I’ll just respond with ‘I love you’ to get the ball rolling.”

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